Daisha Olmeda

Embracing Single Life After Divorce at 40

If you’ve watched Love Island, you know when someone isn’t coupled up, they’re “single and vulnerable,” meaning they could be sent home at any moment.

Lately, I’ve been joking that I’m “single and invulnerable.”

It’s funny because, for the first time in my adult life, I’m not looking for someone. I’m not waiting for someone. I’m not trying to figure out if someone likes me. I’m just…here.

Comfortably.

Here’s the funny part: I’ve never really dated.

I went from one long-term relationship straight into another with someone I’d already known for years. In between those relationships, the people I dated were situationships with men who were already in my life. I’ve never created a dating profile, never swiped left or right, and never sat through an awkward first date with a complete stranger I met on the internet.

Honestly, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

People ask if I’m dating again, and the answer is simple: no.

Not because I’m bitter.
Not because I’ve given up on love.
Not because I think relationships are bad.

I’m just…comfortable.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I am absolutely a lover girl. I believe in love. If the right person came along tomorrow, I’d take the leap. I wouldn’t run from something healthy just because I’m enjoying being single. But what I don’t have the energy for right now is the uncertainty that can come with modern dating. I have no interest in overanalyzing text messages, wondering what someone is thinking, or trying to decode mixed signals. I don’t want to chase clarity or convince someone to choose me. As a recovering anxiously attached girly, that wouldn’t jive with my mental health.

I want someone who’s chalant about me—someone whose interest is obvious and whose actions match their words. And if that person exists, wonderful. I’m just not interested in kissing various frogs to get to him right now.

Being in a relationship was my normal. Now I’m learning what it feels like to build a life that’s entirely my own. I get to decide how I spend my weekends. I can invest in my friendships, hobbies, writing, fitness, my career, and my son, building a life that already feels full. And if I share that life with someone again someday, I want it to be because we’re adding to each other’s happiness—not because either of us was waiting for someone to provide it.

Part of why I’m writing this is because I know I’m not the only woman feeling this way. Somewhere along the line, we started acting like being single and divorced is sad. It can be—until you heal. There’s a general assumption that if you’re 40 and not dating, you must be secretly miserable—or at least working on a roster. But what if you’re not? What if you’re genuinely content? What if healing, rediscovering yourself, and protecting your peace are enough for this season?

To my fellow divorcees and women approaching 40: you don’t have to download the apps because everyone else is. You don’t have to force yourself to date. You don’t have to prove you’re desirable by collecting phone numbers or entertaining people you’re only lukewarm about. If you don’t have it in you right now, that’s okay. You don’t owe anyone a dating timeline.

I will date again one day—when the chemistry is undeniable, the effort is matched, and we’re equally excited to choose each other. Until then, I don’t feel pressure to search for it, force it, or settle for anything less.

Being single doesn’t feel like I’m waiting for my life to begin. It feels like my life is already happening.

There’s something empowering about realizing your happiness isn’t sitting in someone else’s text messages or relationship status. It’s in the quiet routines you build. The confidence you develop. The hobbies you rediscover. The version of yourself that shows up when no one else is around.

So yes, according to Love Island, I’d be single.

But vulnerable?

Nah.

I’m single and I feel pretty invulnerable.